I am starting to suspect the sinus-implanted explosive in Retekra Rotcerid was intentionally faulty. No doubt some added bit of manipulation to ensure I didn't dispose of them somehow. I am presently securing staff with expertise in handling deranged individuals and hope I can reduce or eliminate my interactions with our new village idiot entirely.
Apparently, and I suppose this should not be surprising, they are obsessed with me- but for the sole purpose of taking a contrary stance on my every thought. For instance during an interview I, in hindsight mistakenly, mentioned my horror that Donald Trump was being taken seriously as a candidate for President of the United States.
Afterwards "Dr." Rotcerid instantly became an enthusiastic Trump supporter.
Their present handler, #51192178, thinks this might be an avenue for getting answers out of them. What's more, they suggest giving them their own 'blog' to 'keep them talking' as it were as they struggle to effectively anti-emulate me.
I am grudgingly authorizing it but really rather doubt the babbling basket-case has anything of value to reveal.
Either way I have been given a new healthy appetite for escapism.
Before I get to how I have been wasting perfectly good time in playing video games, I want to talk to you all about an alarming development.
Yes, indeed incidents of cruelty to robots are ever-increasing. From the murder in Philadelphia to children bullying robots in Japan- JAPAN! If Japan is bullying and tormenting robots, what hope do these gentle machines have?
Stand with me in condemning Roboticism.
I won't be doing this again, I just really wanted to share the animated gif above.
As for Guild Wars 2, the progress on the guild IS continuing. Indeed, I think finding a means of opening the guild to Sylvari is rather going to be a boon. An alarming number of human character players seem to be in the game to pointedly ignore ALL of the more fantastical elements of the world in favor of pursuing live-action Game of Thrones fan-fiction. Or other pursuits which in one recent case created something of an awkward scene for the Tyrian Director.
I needn't change the name of this individual, they did it themselves after this.
...tugging him with him, eh? Not that an assurance the player was female would have changed anything.
The backstory for the surely non-existant husband was actually quite detailed for a porn plot device. Why they thought it would entice me remains a mystery, but I assume they believed that for other players the power trip of helping a treacherous woman utterly betray the trust of their supposed loved one would be a powerful draw.
I have learned since that they have thus far undertaken new scenarios without a betrayal component.
Also they seem to have put me on ignore.
Some people do not take rejection well at all, however civil.
Well, back to combating the imaginary technophobia of imaginary technology.
Largely without me, as it turns out. I suspect #0 has been quite pleased to have my focus on making something of this Guild Wars 2 guild. Precious little presents a security concern given that we do not, in fact, produce clockwork battle proxies.
Progress on that Guild has been something of a pain, I admit. I would think given my other work this should have been an easy hobby- but I have certainly learned a measure of humility, only a good thing.
Though I am increasingly irritated on the Tyrian Director's behalf. I'm considering making a short list of the most obnoxious role-players. The ones who are condescending, hostile, and smugly emote at length about how great their character is and how bad yours is in order to criticize without inviting in-character retort.
Really, while they do much to support Arena Net's intimations that Human culture is decadent and backward- full of people consoling themselves with the gilded trappings of faded glory as their collective fate circles the drain and other more industrious races leave them behind...
It makes it that much harder to maintain the Tyrian Director's idealism that they SHOULD be saved. If Arena Net ever does decide to have an Elder Dragon destroy the Reach, I am going to have a very hard time maintaining the Tyrian Director's logical horror at the terrible loss of life while I myself am laughing.
I may let the Tyrian Director become slightly less civil and nice.
...
In hindsight, I am perhaps making the grave mistake of caring entirely too much about these imaginary things. Instead let me shift focus to these things which are also imaginary.
As I mentioned in the last update we captured the 'head' of Retekra Industries, a body double of myself who apparently continues to sincerely believe they some sort of upgrade to me. "Doctor" Retekra Rotcerid.
We've attempted to determine some less idiotic name for them, but they refuse to respond to anything short of Doctor Retekra.
Studies into why they are as profoundly messed up however have borne some fruit. It's no shock at all that they are insane. What IS shocking is that they're alive at all.
Here, I represent a perfectly normal and sane individual.
As you can see, the readings reflect this.
"Doctor" Retekra Rotcerid, on the other hand, even once persuaded to sit still three sets of broken electrodes later...
Has readings that roughly resemble this
This was the closest to normalcy the readings came, even with sedation.
Next up is finding out how they were crafted, so to speak. They are a rush job of some sort, clearly, else the message here is that our antagonists have technology well beyond what we're working on. The implications of that are particularly terrifying, while simultaneously out of our hands.
Perhaps that is the real reason I have found perhaps entirely too much time to waste on this frivolous hobby.
My empathy is strained in dealing with them. They are quite objectively designed to be a mockery of me and everything I stand for. Imagine, if you will, suddenly having a twin brother who believes they are a better version of you- SINCERELY BELIEVES this- and is perpetually demanding you yield control of all your holdings to them so they may 'achieve their destiny' in conquering the world. Which they insist will happen with or without your cooperation.
I am acutely aware they didn't ask for this, and additionally quite aware that if their creators had things go to plan- their brains would have indelibly stained a section of the now defunct Retekra Industries facility, but it really is quite infuriating all the same.
I should simply be pleased that whatever indoctrination they've been subject to has rendered them non-violent. Loud, prone to maniacal rambling, but thus far entirely unwilling to physically touch anyone, much less strike them. They have, however, proclaimed the imminent "Doom" of everyone involved in their handling, including myself.
Maybe Kryta isn't QUITE that depressing in context.
Well, I have endorsement to share the good news. In vague terms.
So much like World War 2 was simply a military altercation, I am happy to report Retekra Industries has been shut down.
The stolen data can almost certainly never be 'retrieved' as such, but the mock company will no longer need to endure Raelians pestering them for the secrets to immortal clone-y life they presumably already have from their alien overlords.
No other companies have taken up Retekra Industries' sales pitches however, so it's quite possible that even if we haven't re-secured secrets then we have at least discouraged the agencies behind their theft from peddling them to the rich and powerful.
There have been some troubling developments however.
Specifically they were 'lead' by one Doctor Retekra Rotcerid. I say 'lead' as by all accounts at this point he was largely ignored by the present staff. He's been captured, but not quite by design. They had a sinus-implanted explosive charge that one of the staff attempted to activate when it became clear that defense was a lost cause.
"Fortunately" for Dr. Retekra, as they insist loudly on being called, the detonator misfired. I put fortunately in quotes as, quite simply, I am not yet certain they would not have been better off.
Mr. Rotcerid has apparently been made to look just like me, no doubt another of the 'jokes' of the agency behind this. Worse, they seem to have the impression they are an 'upgrade' to me. Or, as they like to shriek now and again, that I am the "....insipid, tedious prototype devoid of a madness so great it defines transcendent genius..."
Studies are ongoing as to exactly what is wrong with them.
I'm sure we'll get along fantastically.
Still, the important thing is that Retekra Industries is at last dealt with. It's a good day.
Yesterday was getting kind of grim for me towards the evening, the counsel of two other Guild Wars 2 players was that Watchknight Proxies were worse than Waypoints.
It stung, deeply.
For the uninitiated, Waypoints are little dots on the world map that when you double-click on them take your character to where that waypoint is- and each is only unlocked as you get close enough to one. As an out-of-character mechanic they are brilliant as few people truly want to spend thirty minutes hiking back and forth across the game world.
Unfortunately they are not an out-of-character mechanic. They are an in-character one.
The distinction is subtle to some, but the problem for Roleplayers- as the eloquent Mr. Btongue would have put it- is that they put a tremendous strain on narrative coherence, and unlike other things that strain narrative coherence if you are taking Waypoints In-Character you are then confronted with them CONSTANTLY.
There is very little reason to walk or jog anywhere when, especially in the cities, you can waypoint to it. This would indeed be fine, if each time you used one there wasn't a small army of questions Arena Net can't be bothered to answer about how they hypothetically work.
What keeps waypoints from being misused by villainous agencies? Bandits could use it for all manner of Heists.
Who pays for Waypoints to be installed at random locations devoid of strategic value?
How is the payment from Waypoints taken from the character? (I hear secondhand that in a podcast or during a convention that a developer answered this one as 'it just vanishes')
Why don't the Seraph use them to crush the Centaur?
Why don't the Pact use them to move all of their troops across Arah?
Why don't the villainous agencies destroy the Waypoints to deter meddlesome adventurers?
How are Waypoints used by the Player? There is no visible way to enter them, no buttons on them, no levers. They look like this.
Players need not even stand under it to travel.
It's floating objet d'art with no visible functionality. These are not all of the questions waypoints raise, but I think you might agree I have gone on about it too long already. Now, again, I do not begrudge people who despite all these questions prefer to take waypoints as canon- they quite officially have license. I am simply explaining why it is a contentious subject for many to the point they are inclined to do their best to ignore waypoints. For someone to tell me Watchknight Proxies are more absurd than Waypoints though... I can answer any question regarding the functionality of Watchknight Proxies. As the authority ON Watchknight Proxies, that is my right. I can and will continue to answer all questions about them, Arena Net is unlikely to do the same for Waypoints. I can tell you precisely why in-game malignant agencies will not be using Watchknight Proxies. I can tell you how they are operated. I can tell you what powers them. I can tell you who is making them. I can tell you why, for what a grand idea they are, they are not and nigh certainly never will be in the game- used by Seraph, Ebon Vanguard, etc. etc. I cannot actually be tastefully contradicted on these points and it all does rather mesh with the lore better than Waypoints. With waypoints, whatever players imagineer to answer the questions of Waypoints : How do they work?
Those answers are unlikely to sync up with the answers of other players- which is perhaps why most solutions tend to involve awkwardly pulling out an Asuran Ipad and emoting Beeps and Boops while everyone stands in a terrifying amalgamation of flesh under the glowing cubed sphere.
"Can we go yet? Bloodgut Goatdefiler here hasn't bathed in weeks."
These are a stark contrast to Asuran Gates, which are basically Stargates and are vastly superior already for it being apparent where you walk through them. Most are additionally guarded or tended by Asura staff- which answer many of the questions that irk about waypoints.
Between Watchknight Proxies and Waypoints, I find the assertion that the Proxies are worse... enlightening.
Niether are The Happening though, to be fair to Arena Net.
And I would note I am no longer ESPECIALLY irritated by this baseless statement. I've received some fantastic news I will be going into detail on next Monday!
GW2RP Secrets : Revealing that not all Roleplayers are Supermodels (shockingly)- or even particularly like-able.
I found this newest one amusing. Apparently the player gets into some manner of- we'll be generous and say 'romantic' relationship with their characters, acquire real photos of the other participating individual, and then apparently not only drop them if they fail to meet their aesthetic standards but roundabout see fit to call them old and ugly anonymously. While the snubbed may hopefully never know, it doesn't make the person posting less unpleasant.
I can't know what they look like, but I feel fairly confident in positing their ugliness goes a touch deeper whatever the state of their skin.
Not that virtual physical relationships are a terribly sane venture besides.
Also spare me your cynicism, cynical readers. I actually do look very much like my 'Main' character- as my profile might attest. Old and ugly past that point is as ever subjective. I am in no relationships In-Character in the game, nor shall I be. I don't expect my virtual avatar to be any less driven than myself and quite frankly feel no siren song toward Erotic Role Play.
I'm in this primarily to advocate for more human-made robots, everywhere and in everything, as has been established.
Not that I necessarily judge those who partake poorly- it's not objectively bad in any fashion, but like other people's genitals I don't particularly care to see it flopping about in public.
It's just discourteous to say the least.
The dedicated Erotic Role-Players do show a certain trend of poor taste in my opinion however. For instance, there have been more than a few who think there is a charm to Charr and Human pairings. Charr being massive were-bull-lion-dogs.
Unless such pairings prove to be the key to securing peace between the Charr and Human races- vanishingly unlikely Arena Net would go in that direction- I can't help but think that in any world they are only making things very awkward between the races.
That said, if that's what amuses them so be it. It doesn't make them bad people by any metric because nothing involved in this IS real. That piece of context should never really be forgotten.
Except for our anonymous secret whisperer of course, I doubt they were just pretending to be something of an ass when they posted that.
I can only hope they only wind up with someone comparably shallow. Two of them might just fill a kiddie pool.
#sorrynotsorry
The producers of this are also regularly exhibiting their craftsmanship on The Escapist, a worthy nerd entertainment aggrogator.
In utterly trivial safe-for-discussion Guild Wars 2, I am pleased to report the Watchknight Proxy exhibition went quite well!
The Tyrian Director- at the demand of the Ministry Guard who could not be bothered to attend- oversaw the event personally- in person- no doubt much to the dismay of their fictional #0. The worst thing to happen to them however was that they were punched on the nose.
A brief summary is that at the appointed time two combatants turned up just in time to, fictionally, take control of their respective clockwork simulacrums- proceed to the designated area...
And brutally destroy eachother in clockwork carnage- which as planned looked very real up until the very end.
Which, as it happens is precisely why the Tyrian Director was punched.
You see I, had failed to brief the Medics who had been recruited to oversee the combat properly. I, for a given value, HAD informed them there would be no actual death at the Deathmatch- but with the impending deaths of two well-known faces they disregard the Director's advice to attempt an emergency intervention.
Fortunately they were not hit by any flying parts.
One of the Medics who witnessed this felt their offense over the scare did not outweigh their relief at there having been no harm actually done, and thus punched the Tyrian Director at the conclusion.
By all accounts save one, it was a novel and unprecedented display.
As for that one account- that was predictably Lord Alexander Salian, as mentioned in the last update, who after mumbling about fetching the Shining Blades in-character at the conclusion of the event rushed off to make yet another GW2Secrets image macro out-of-character.
They did this under the unusually humble pseudonym 'Mr. Nobody'.
There are a few things wrong with this assertion, one detail of which Calliopelapis there addresses and will be gone into detail shortly- FIRST however is that the Tyrian Director cleared his plans for this event not only with the Ministry but the Player-Run Shining Blade guild. (The Shining Blades being the magical Queendom of Kryta's answer to the Secret Service of the U.S., by way of belated explanation)
The next detail is that Watchknights are machines. Machines can be improved- in this case by removing their autonomy in favor of direct human control. There is no rational reason to insist they are certain to be hijacked again.
I also continue to protest that abandoning a technology because it was stolen once makes about as much sense as discontinuing air travel because of 9/11. IT COULD BE USED FOR EVIL AGAIN!
Fortunately for me on this point, ArenaNet would seem to agree- bringing us to Calliopelapis' point.
Unfortunately since the event I have not seen a notable interest from people in hiring on to Arketer Labs of Tyria to field-test these remote-control war-machines.
It really has proven surprisingly difficult to interest people in this game in playing with robots with the exception of the Asura and their golems.
Still, I shall keep the effort going- but I must note being turned down by a Baker's Apprentice was something of a wicked burn even by two separations.
Meanwhile Donald Trump continues to be not laughed out of the running- which I appreciate that Jon Stewart can find hilarious.
Today is a red letter day. For the Tyrian Director Arketer.
A very small red letter day, that might yet turn out to be a capital A despite that context not working in the slightest.
But that won't stop me from doing this anyway.
For today, Arketer Labs of Tyria holds an exhibition deathmatch between two relatively well-known players. Specifically one Caelite and one Ajax.
It should be quite novel, if misleading, as there will be no actual death even though one or both of the combatants will be destroyed utterly.
But all is not well, for in the Role-Playing World of Guild Wars 2 there has been something of a full and total schism in a guild dedicated to represent the U.S. Congress of Tyria, the human Krytan Ministry.
One faction believes their purpose is something of a service to help increase immersion by creating a Government Body the players can interact with. One, by all accounts thus far, believes their purpose is to ENFORCE immersion- because they declared themselves a powerful Minister, so people really have to listen to them.
This war between the factions has spilled over into many places, but most notably the Guild Wars 2 Secrets Tumblr.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, I side with John Cleese.
Consequences. Actions have them. In real life. In-game? Eh... sometimes. It's extraordinarily silly. "Even if it is an NPC,"? Do you have any idea how many Non-Player Characters are killed in the game EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY? All players would be on trial. Finally and most obviously, no one gets to dictate when someone else loses their rights to their characters except Arena Net- who know better than to do that without far far better reasons.
On one side of the conflict you have The Krytan Ministry, [TKM] for short, who has existed the longest. One Michael Benedict is a proponent of the Service-to-Immersion school of thought, and stands out as one of the very few Ministers who upon meeting Director Arketer of Tyria HASN'T immediately begun insinuating that what they are doing is unacceptably illegal and that they need to share their every secret with them and/or turn over all of their work.
On the other side, you have Her Majesty's Ministry, [HMM] for short. As of this writing they were led by one Alexander Salian, who is under the curious impression that they can force cooperation with what they deem acceptable demands.
In my experience, their demands are not especially reasonable. From their first interaction with the Tyrian Director they have been demanding, borderline discourteous and profoundly paranoid with absolutely no effort made to discuss OOC what I care to accomplish.
Even when I resolved to yield that Arketer Labs was subject to a moratorium on creating Watchknights (Clockwork soldiers of a sort, crafted by humanity through rather cheaty ways and utterly hijacked by the Writer's Favorite villain, Scarlet Briar- the Mad Plant Person who attended ALL THE UNIVERSITIES and studied under ALL THE RACES- despite being at or under 25 years old) Salian immediately moved on to demanding to know where all of Arketer Labs' facilities on Tyria are for... reasons.
Presently, they are ignoring the Tyrian Director- which I can only hope continues. Should they feel inclined to acknowledge his efforts however, I can rest fairly certain that they will be firmly in opposition.
Which, as it happens, is precisely what I hope. After all, it would be simply rude to assume Arketer Labs of Tyria has the full support of the Ministry- and it makes perfect sense if like the U.S. Senate they can hardly decide on how to put on their pants.
It's been said quite aptly that if you want to ensure as little as possible gets done- put a committee in charge of it.
Really, about the only way this event of mine can go spectacularly wrong is if Salian spontaneously decides to stop ignoring it again and get himself somehow injured at the showing.
Either way, he would be much better off if he stopped grasping at imaginary power and recognized that in-game reality is a product of consensus at best. No one gets to dictate anything.
Meanwhile if this does go well, I intend to effectively re-launch the guild Arketer Labs of Tyria.
Watchknight Proxies for everyone! (Who applies and meets certain criteria.)
There are a number of things that many Role-Playing guilds don't do, presumably for immersion reasons. For instance there are dragon enounters rarely done In-Character because it is presumed that in most cases anyone living would find themselves not-living in short order.
That won't be a sufficient deterrent when the characters are driving Proxy Watchknights remotely.
I have excellent ideas for Proxy Field Tests that will take members all across Tyria, and perhaps even handling definitively Suicide missions for the Orders. In particular I hope to form a friendly relationship with The Ashen Chapter (edited update- I have been given the very clear impression elements of The Ashen Chapter would prefer to neuter/spay themselves with a hammer than consider this. Alas.) who play as Vigil members- The Vigil being an order within Tyria that prefers purely military solutions to the Draconic Threats the world faces.
Some people will hate the idea, as if there is no risk of their character dying then there is no gravitas. As I see it however, there is no risk of them dying when playing Guild Wars 2- yet they do it anyway. Why? Because it is fun.
Why should it be any different for their characters?
