Monday, May 4, 2015

Mad Coffee Science

Progress continues.

A certain makeup enthusiast has proven to be amenable to serving as the equipment manager for The Band Down Under at the subterranean lab. While I am not necessarily thrilled with having an employee who contributes nothing to the advancement of our various projects, I am gratified that at least they are making things somewhat easier for the people who are.

In other news there have been complaints over my decision to stop importing Kopi Luwak coffee. This was one of the changes decided upon during the budget crisis, as it was indeed the purest form of excessive luxury within Arketer Labs at present.

First and foremost, the price of Kopi Luwak coffee is absurd. By the kilogram it would be cheaper to purchase any number of useful isotopes.

Cheaper versions exist, but raise certain ethical concerns in it's production.

Beyond even that though, the text of many of the complaints has led me to believe many of the most vocal complainants are not even aware of precisely what Kopi Luwak coffee is beyond 'The Best'.

So, for those individuals electing for elitism in ignorance, I am rescinding that privilege.

Kopi Luwak, Vietnamese Weasel Coffee or Civet Coffe is coffee made from beans harvested from the scat of the Asian Palm Civet.

What. It's a living.
The Civets either eat or, as one should not be surprised when such a high price tag is involved, are caged and then forcibly fed coffee cherries.

You don't have to be crazy to work here, but the inhumane living conditions will render you that way soon enough.
Enzymes, bacterial cultures, whatever the case when the beans come out the other end they are cleaned and roasted before being flogged overseas to people who adore the flavor.

Naturally there are specialty farms endeavoring only to harvest from wild civet scat, for those perfectly at ease with the odorous origins of the beans, but there are precious few ways to ensure no one is cheating and selling the unethically produced beans at a conscience-friendly ethically sound price.

Now, there are alternatives. For instance I understand we have not gone through our supplies of Black Ivory coffee. This is also one of the most expensive coffees in the world. Where does it come from?

While not significantly less expensive for the most part, Elephants are harder to fit into battery farm cages and far more likely to kill anyone who attempts to put them in one. So, ethical concerns are less likely at least. In regards to the treatment of the Elephants anyway.

Meanwhile once our present supply of Black Ivory coffee is gone only with sufficient demand will any more be brought in for the odd celebratory event.

Now there is a final option, and this is the one I encourage everyone to consider. Coffee beans treated outside of random creature's intestines.

I know we have some people with the expertise necessary to, if they wish to as a hobby, synthesize the processes by which these expensive coffees obtain their prized flavor. I am willing to divert the entire fund that was previously allocated to the importation of these coffees to the facilities with a sufficient number of enthusiasts interested in working on this in addition to their present projects.

Meanwhile I would be grateful if complaints came to an end. Please keep in mind that vitriol is extremely counterproductive.

Progress continues!

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