Monday, December 21, 2015

The Secret Diary of Darth Otion. Beware Force Awakens Spoilers.

Warning : Any witness to the writings within will be slain. My pain dairy is for me alone, as is my pain.

Fear the knowledge contained within, and flee from it.

Dear Diary,

We finally tracked down the map. Or would have, if General Hux's cannon fodder could do anything right. I had them slaughter the village we found the Resistance pilot in. One of the Stormtroopers, FN-2187, had some sort of mental breakdown, nothing else explains their looking directly upon my dread countenance. Perhaps they could see the deep pain I hide behind this horrifying mask instead. Moved to silent admiration for my commanding prescence despite the suffering I endure, mocked and bullied by the Light Side as I am.

I spared them, just in case.

Now though, I will extract the location of the map from the Resistance Pilot. He will see the Power of the Dark Side.

So noble I stand through my suffering. Life is pain, death is mercy, the villagers will never understand my kindness.

Dear Diary,

I found this taped on my door.

I think General Hux is behind it. When I find the minion he tasked with this, I will force-choke them to death. The idiot doesn't understand. The Lightcrossguard doesn't need to be functional or practical in any rational sense. It's symbolic. It embodies my noble purpose and dedication to a higher ideal. It looks so much more powerful than a conventional Lightsaber. If Darth Vader had used one, it's symbolic weight would have surely kept him from succumbing to the seduction of the Light Side.

It makes people take me seriously.

I found this on my door last month. They are so bitterly jealous of my dark erudition.
Dear Diary,

I was betrayed. It hurts, so badly. 

FN-2187, the Stormtrooper I was so kind as to spare, escaped with the Resistance pilot. Why must they hurt me so? Here I thought that they might have seen past my mask and into the true me, but where I imagined admiration I know now there was only jealousy.

I should have slain them then. Stupid of me. So stupid.

Darth Vader would not have made this mistake. I will pray to him for guidance.

Dear Diary,

General Hux fails me yet again. He's surely doing this on purpose, just to spite me. Master Snoke fails to see the truth, that they are sabotaging me at every turn. Still, he makes it clear to them that they must clean up this mess. Also my mess. I had to destroy so much equipment to vent my terrible rage over the news the Droid, and the map, escaped.

The only thing that soothed my rage was mention of a girl with the Droid. She's important to me somehow.

Master Snoke mentioned my incomplete training. Perhaps soon my trial comes, and I can finally free myself of the Light Side's offensive tugging at my soul. The pain will end, all I have to do is kill Dad.

I hope it counts. He's not even my real Dad.

Dear Diary,

We have destroyed the Republic. It would have been glorious, but for having to listen to General Hux prattle endlessly on about it. He knows nothing of true order. True power.

But enough about that cruel idiot.

We captured the girl. Her beauty calls to my tortured soul, I removed my terrible guise, to sooth her in turn with my handsomeness as I invaded her mind for the information I need. Unexpectedly she saw into my mind in return, and cruelly created lies about what she saw there.

Me? Afraid I am not as strong as Darth Vader? Absurd. I had to get out of there immediately to avoid bursting into laughter. Because it was laughable. I'm just as tough, or will be once I kill Daddy.

Dear Diary,

The girl is some sort of Light Side prodigy. She escaped. I was so angry, but then Daddy turned up. He asked me to take off my helmet while I spoke to him. The fool.

I asked him to help me, and he agreed. So I killed him. Even in the end he couldn't admit the truth. I am clearly adopted.

I LOOK NOTHING LIKE HIM OR 'MOM'. How long did they expect me not to NOTICE?!
Still, I think it worked. I feel much stronger now.

Dear Diary,

I was defeated today. I would have been killed, but the earth conveniently split me away from the girl, who despite being a Light Side Prodigy fortunately did not spontaneously master Force Jumping as well. It's so unfair. Being a Dark Lord is sooo haard, and no one understands!

I have no idea what went wrong. Perhaps killing Daddy wasn't enough because he wasn't even my real Dad. Master Snoke says it's time to complete my training anyway though.

It had better work. In the meantime I must find out who my real dad is, so I can find and kill them. Just to be sure.

I'm going to cut myself on the ride back to Master Snoke.

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