Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Troubling Developments.

Progress continues.

However there seems to be a new development.

At ten AM yesterday contact was lost with Auxiliary Lab and Listening Post #1.

The reason for the loss of contact was willful destruction of the facility's communication equipment by, it would seem, the ALLP#1 communications specialist themselves. This was in direct response to the daily check-in conducted by the Central Lab.

Transcript as follows- the language is quite crude, be warned.

Central Lab : Good morning ALLP 1! Anything to report?

ALLP#1       : The fuck did you just say?

CL                : ... Good morning? I'm... not reading any interference on my end. Are you?

ALLP#1       : "I can't believe you're too stupid to pick up on my sarcasm." (said in a mocking tone) The fuck I am! Asshole, everyone around here is putting words in my mouth and then having the nerve to insist I'm doing it. I've had it up to here. So just calm the hell down and do your fucking job, radio jockey.

CL                :  Is there a problem ALLP 1?

ALLP#1       :  "Don't you know who I am? I'm going to get you fired for this, peasant." The HELL you will, I quit! I don't need to put up with this shit. I have no idea what crawled up all your asses and died but- No, you know what- I don't need to listen to this any more. *sounds of something being picked up*

CL                : ALLP 1? Come in ALLP 1.

ALLP#1       : *sounds indicating violent impact with a microphone, smashing noises and then silence.*

The Communications room of any given facility is almost a formality in our modern hyper-connected world, so the natural next step was to study the facility's security camera footage remotely. What we've seen is perplexing. At present all of my employees at ALLP#1 are basically confining themselves to quarters. Whenever they encounter each other arguments break out immediately, though before violence occurs they have thus far stormed away from each other instead.

It would seem our conflict resolution courses have not fallen entirely on deaf ears.

Meanwhile they are not out of communication even within their quarters. There has been a massive surge in unacceptable behavior on our secure intranet forum. Endless uncivil, cyclical arguments.

By all appearances no one is addressing what the other is actually saying but quoting their opponents as saying something else entirely- something usually both hostile and inane. All parties involved refuse to acknowledge the falsity of their own quotes while attacking or complaining about those used by others. If it sounds confusing, it is. Very.

All false quotes an individual makes are treated as valid by that individual no matter how divorced from the original meaning of their opponent's text.

In short, it's the text equivalent of what happened during the check-in. And if you saw the last update, #0 informs me that this is the same ALLP where the complaint about a hostile coworker came from.

Investigations are underway. Fortunately whatever is going on, be it a morale issue or infectious horrible argumentation, it is still confined.

All henchpeople reading this, please stay calm. I can promise you that every possible effort will be made to ensure the safety of our people in ALLP #1.

Finally, I am happy to report that all Finax products have been deemed safe and whatever it is going on it has absolutely nothing to do with Witch Sugar or- egh- Witch Saturated Fats.

All Finax products will be made available to facility cafeterias and commissaries again as soon as is practical.

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