Wednesday, February 25, 2015

An Apology, A Reminder and An Update on Henchperson #62

Progress continues.

First off I feel I must admit to a failing. I have perhaps gotten somewhat carried away with Guild Wars 2 and this Role-Playing thing.

I created a new character some time ago, you see, looking to try a more 'authentic' form of Role-Play. So, rather than effectively play a version of myself I am playing a low-level employee of a version of myself. People seem to like Henchperson #69247 of Arketer Labs of Tyria.

I was especially proud to discern a means by which one can play the normally tree-huggy druid-aspirant Ranger effectively as a pet class Engineer.

That said, the addictively novel point of view did lead to me falling behind, which is unacceptable. I apologize to everyone who was delayed due to my frivolous distraction, it won't happen again.

I have spent all of yesterday going over neglected reports that I have allowed to build up. None of them required any action on my part, though hearing about the fire in Sky Lab was alarming. Still, even then there was no real danger. Our fire suppression systems are, as any employee could tell you, exceptional.

Even the three that were briefly knocked unconscious by them.

Let this be a reminder, if you MUST light a match in one of the restrooms when you have finished your business, dispose of the match in the toilet and NOT the waste paper bin.

I hope to never learn of what could be eaten that would make a toilet fire possible, but even if there is such a thing I am mostly certain you would not survive to light a match in the first place.

Speaking of survival everyone will surely be pleased to know that #62 is recovering.

We have even learned what exactly the cause of the peculiar situation was.

Apparently #62 had been in the habit of working on the stealth device while leaving it running and the atmosphere it generates was thus absorbed into them. This, according to their immediate coworkers, was one of the proposed possible risks of the device. Unfortunately #62 did not take this risk seriously and violated almost all of the safety protocols that would have either prevented or further mitigated this event.

In this case however, the crime is the punishment and far more cruel than any sentence they would have otherwise received.

The effects of the device have partially worn off on #62, and are expected to continue diminishing. That said, the psychological effects may yet prove profound. They are now entirely 'visible' but lasting residue makes it profoundly uncomfortable to look directly at them.

#62 has been adequately convinced of their own existence but thus far no one has been able to reassure them that they have not been rendered "hideous".

A rough approximation of how #62 appears to the human eye at present. Again. physically they are unchanged, as confirmed by electronic surveillance.
(I advise looking at the full size version for full effect.)
I start to suspect #62 may be overly given to drama and vanity as well as disregarding safety precautions. Pending confirmation they haven't acquired some novel new form of cancer from this misadventure, they will be terminated upon making a full recovery.

By which I mean firing and dismissal, obviously, not execution.

Progress continues.

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